What kind of ball doesn’t bounce?
(A snowball!)
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
(Snowflakes)
How do snowmen travel around?
(By iceicle!)
What kind of bird can write?
(A PENguine)
How do you call an eskimo cow?
(Eskimoo!)
What is Snowmen in May?
(A puddle!)
What kind of candle burns longer, a red candle or a green candle?
(Neither! Candles always burn shorter!)
What’s the best thing to give your parents for Cristmas?
(A list of everything you want!)
What do elves learn in school?
[The Elf-abet!]
What was so good about the neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
[It was already wound up.]
Did you hear that one of Santa’s reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel?
[Its true, Comet cleans sinks!]
How many reindeer does Santa Have???
(named below)
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen
Rudoph
(the one with the red nose)
Mom, can I have a dog for Christmas?
[No, you can have turkey like everyone else.]
What nationality is Santa Claus?
[North Polish.]
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime?
[Sandy Claws!]
What kind of bird can write?
[A PENguin.]
Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?
[Because the angel had said,»No L!»]
Who is never hungry at Christmas?
[The turkey, he is always stuffed.]
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
[Claustrophobic.]
Judge: «What are you charged with?»
Prisoner: «Doing my Christmas shopping early.»
Judge: «That’s not an offense. How early were you doing this shopping?»
Prisoner: «Before the store opened.»
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective ?
[Santa Clues!]
A woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. Clerk: «What denomination?»
Woman: «Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this? Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic.»
What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
[Jungle bells, jungle bells…]
What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?
[Pour Santa flush on him.]
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
[Snowflakes.]
Q: What does Father Christmas write on his cards at Christmas?
A: ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ (no-L)
What’s the best thing to put into a Christmas cake?
[Your teeth.]
Why does Santa’s sled get such good mileage?
[Because it has long-distance runners on each side.]
What are Christmas trees like bad knitters?
[They both drop their needles.]
Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
[because every buck is dear to him.]
How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
[Fleece Navidad!]
What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
[Crisp Cringle.]
Knock Knock
Who’s there ?
Avery
Avery who ?
Avery merry Christmas !
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
[You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.]
What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas Tree?
[A pineapple.]
What did the guest sing at the Eskimo Christmas Party?
[Freeze a jolly good fellow…]
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
[It’s Christmas, Eve!]
What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?
[We’ll have a boo Christmas without you.]
What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
[Okay everyone, sack time!!]
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
[Missletoe!]
If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
[A subordinate claus.]
Just before Christmas, there was an honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa
Claus travelling in a lift of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened
they all noticed a $5 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up??
[Santa of course, the other two don’t exist!]
What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month?
[The letter «D»!]
Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
[So he can ho-ho-ho.]
Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
[Because he had low elf esteem.]
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
[Frostbite.]
Knock Knock
Who’s there ?
Holly
Holly who ?
Holly-days are here again !
What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
[Ribbon hood.]
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